I Think I’ve Found It …

A purpose for my blog. There are so many wonderful blogs out there on every subject imaginable. Blogs have replaced magazines for me. The only ones I get I subscribed to at insanely low prices. I have not written here because every time I think I have what I am going to write about, I find it already written in a blog.

I was thinking this past month why I write a blog. I keep a blog to jog my memory. When my kiddos are older, we can look back and remember the time we surprised them by skipping school and going to San Diego to camp in our tent trailer;  or when we start taking for granted the fact that Dad gets to take Bug camping with his Cub Scout den on the weekend without having to schedule it off work.  I keep it so we appreciate the mother-daughter pedicures for when Honey Bee will rather get pedicures with her girlfriends than her mom.  I am keeping the blog to remember how hard it was on me to send Mr. off to school everyday when he was only three years old..so we can remember how far he has come in such a short amount of time.

Finally, figuring this out has released so much pressure off me to turn the blog into a faith, scrapbooking, saving money, sewing, fill-in-the-blank type of blog. Sure there will be posts on those items from time to time.  I had to come to the realization of where I was taking my blog. Like today's post that I’m sticking in the faith category.

Around June of 2009, I began feeling empty inside… lonely. The feeling was almost like a depression. Sarge had been working the overnight shift for two months. I wasn’t regularly conversing with people whose favorite restaurants didn’t have a slide in it. I had been injured in a minor car accident and the weather outside was VERY HOT! I learned to become independent and stopped relying on God. It was like I was thinking “it’s OK God, I have it from here, go ahead and take a break”. Of course I just bottled up these thoughts and went about my days.

Then in November, things shattered for no apparent reason.  I finally told Sarge I felt lonely. I really did not feel like having God get involved again. Don’t let anyone tell you that God doesn’t have a sense of humor. He invented a sense of humor after all. Sarge had befriended a bunch of guys from our church. The Holy Spirit was really working in his life. He and his friends were praying so hard for me. Slowly (because I am so stubborn), I came out of my shell and let the Holy Spirit work in me again.

In January 2010, I began reading Sparkling Gems from the Greek by Rick Renner and Hearing from God by Joyce Meyer. Daily I have stuck with it and read. If I don’t get anything from one book, there is information in the other that speaks to my heart. Then our church started up a Friday night service called Casual Friday. Our pastor has been going over spiritual warfare. I started going to the services and thought nothing of it. I believed what our pastor was saying, but thought I was immune to it or something.

On February 5th, the alarm clock went off loud and clear. Spiritual warfare is real. As I mentioned, our church has a Friday night service called Casual Friday. The service is very laid back hence the name. The topic is on spiritual warfare. Pastor Lee discussed how spiritual warfare is real and shared about a time when he was asked to cast  demons out of a woman. He emphasized not to be out looking for them, but just to know that they are real and around us all of the time.  He also made it clear that if you are devoted to Jesus, you are untouchable by demons. They can attack you, but cannot take up residence in you.

Back to my alarm clock. After that evenings message, I went to pick up the kids. As I was walking down the hallway on my way to get Mister, the childcare coordinator said bluntly “Can you talk to you’re son”? I knew she was talking about Bug. I asked her what I needed to talk to Bug about. She said she was trying to think how to say this to me. I told her to just tell me what happened. She said I needed to talk to him about respecting adults. There was an incident where he just ran out of the room when something did not go as he wanted. As I was telling her ways we have him work on this, I felt she was rejecting it and I started to get upset. I said this was happening because the devil did not want me attending Casual Friday anymore. Apparently I am a threat to him. She begged me to please keep coming and this is what Bug needs. I was not about to let the devil get a foothold and was still planning on coming at this point.

Unfortunately when I picked up the kids they saw how upset I was, and they did not want to come anymore. The kids told me the teachers had told the kids that if they sat and listened to the lesson, then afterwards they could go on the jungle gym. Then the teachers did not follow through and allow them on the jungle gym. I discussed with the kids that sometimes plans change, but we still need to respect adults.

I did not return to church the following Friday, because we had other commitments.  Friday the 19th, the kids and I went to church a little early. They provide a free pizza dinner before the service. Sarge also came along separately since he was heading to work for the night. We were all eating our pizza and the time to head into the service was quickly approaching. I did not see anyone I recognized to sit with. I started getting anxious. I thought that once Sarge leaves, I will just take the kids and leave. I think Sarge sensed this and was trying to persuade me to stay.

We started walking outside. I still did not see any of my friends. I told Sarge I was just going to leave. He prayed. Still not trusting God, I did not want to go in. I can’t remember what it was, but I decided to take the kids into their class. We took Mister to his room first. Just before we got to his classroom, one of Bug’s friend’s mothers who was working childcare for the event said “I need to talk to you afterwards about something.” Those of you that have kids or grew up with siblings with special needs know the feeling I felt when she said that.  I had a pit in my stomach that was thinking “now what has my son done?”.  I asked if it was bad. She couldn’t lie (didn’t want her to) and I just freaked out. I really do not remember too much at this point except that I took the kids outside and was going to leave. Bug was pretty upset at this point, crying that he hates his ADHD and why did God make him this way.

Sarge was inside the Preschool building talking with Bug’s friend’s mom and the childcare coordinator. He finally came out said it was not a big deal and that bug just needs to work on what he discusses with friends- kind of a mind your own business deal. Somehow he convinced me to drop the kids off and go hear what Pastor Lee was talking about. I said I would take to their class and once I got into the building, if there were no seats for me, I would pick up the kids and go home. I even told all the kids teachers that I’d probably be back in five minutes! Needless to say, I was acting independently of God; I was making the rules!  God had other plans though…

Casual Friday is held in the 3rd – 5th grade room which holds about 350 people. Every Casual Friday has been packed. At our church ,the front rows usually fill up first. I fully expected to not find a seat. When I got there, the band was on the last worship song. Not only did the ushers find me a seat, but I saw some friends up front that I ended up going to sit next to.

That evenings message was on the very fact that spiritual warfare happens all around us and we have to choose sides. You either choose God’s side or Satan’s side. Even if you do not believe in God or are not sure if there is a God, you are choosing a side whether you know it or not. Satan has an army, but know that his army is smaller than God’s army. Knowing this brings me huge comfort as I write. Satan’s attacks are not creative. He knows what you are passionate about and uses that to attack you. He knows in my case I will go to the ends of the earth to defend and protect my kids.  So he is using my child’s ADHD to attack me.  But I know that I have a Savior in Jesus Christ and I am washed in his blood.  I am a fully devoted follower of Jesus Christ and I am married to a Godly man who daily prays for our safety.  I know that just as I will stand by my children to the end, my husband will do the same.  I see the love of Jesus in his eyes, and that is comforting to know that the Lord has given me the strength that I need to equip me with the weapons necessary to fight the good fight for my Savior.